The Bend in the Road

I was going to write about starting radiation and all that goes with that. I was going to write about being scared but strong and standing on faith but then I read a poem from a book I'm reading called the Difference Maker by John C. Maxwell. I read this poem and it hit me in many ways but all of them beautiful. This poem says so much not only to a two time cancer survivor but to anyone that has a battle to fight and we all have one.

The Bend in the Road

And together we stand at life's crossroads
And view what we think is the end,
But God has a much bigger vision
And He tells us it's only a bend.

For the road goes on and is smoother,
And the pause in the song is a rest.
And the part that's unsung and unfinished
Is the sweetest and the best.

So rest and relax and grow stronger.
Let go and let God share your load,
Your work is not finished or ended,
You've just come to a bend in the road.

Helen Steiner Rice

Six More Miles

It's been a while since I've written anything and that's because I never wanted to write just to write. But now things have changed. I finished up my chemo and went to Houston for tests to see where we where with the tumor. I was waiting on the doctor when he came in with the new CT scan. To say I was tense would be the understatement of the year but for some reason I was calm and I think it's because I had truly turned it over to God, by then. They showed me the before and the after and the tumor was virtually gone. When he said, "It's almost all gone, Rob. This is great news", I went deaf. Something changed inside of me right then, right there. That's twice I've dodged a bullit and was going to be ok. I'm still processing that one.

So, now I have to do six weeks of radiation, five days a week with one day of chemo. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared but I know that this process is to make sure the cancer never comes back. The journey won't be easy and the radiation will be rough but again I'm doing my best to turn it over to God with thanks. My mom got out a medal I got for running the White Rock Marathon in Dallas this past year. She asked me what mile did the race become hard. I said, "Mile twenty". Then she compared the next six weeks to the last six miles if that race. I remembered how I felt my body ache and how I wanted to stop but I couldn't because I just had six miles to go. I had already run twenty. These upcoming six weeks will be a challenge. My body will ache, I will cry, I will want to stop but I can't. I have six more miles to run and I just have to believe.

It's all mental

Just started my last week of chemo and will get unhooked from the pack on Friday. I came home from the infusion and saw a huge poster on the front door with beautiful flowers from Bec. I felt a bit fuzzy but was really happy. Slept well and woke up kind of down and I couldn't understand why. Everything is going well. Physically, I'm way beyond expectations and the cancer has shrunk over 90% with doctors very happy about a full recovery. It's all good.

Then a little voice got in my ear and told me how much I was missing and how I felt cooped up and how frustrating it is to be working from home. The voice kept reminding me how bad I felt and how far I had to go not how far I've been. I won't lie, I got real down, real fast and that's not part of my nature. So, I decided to pass all of the worry and heaviness over to God. I know he knows where I am and how I feel. Chances are he might be a bit disappointed b/c I'm looking at today, where he sees the whole picture, my whole life. Sometimes I think he shakes his head and says,"You have no idea what awaits you if you just trust me. This is the season I gave you, for a reason, now let's see how you come out of this hard and painful season into a new season of joy." I don't think about why I got cancer. Can't go there. All I can do is put my faith in God at my strongest and on a day like today where I'm far from strong. I have to trust in his plan. I just have to believe.

Downtime.

I'm so not the guy to "rest" during the day. My day starts early with coffee, the paper, my sacred 4 mile run around Town Lake, the gym, shower shave out the door with a fly by Stsrbuck's just cause that's what the cool kids do. Get my coffee out the door to tackle the world. Now, my routine is a bit diffferent. Cofffee & paper the same then the gym. I ran an 8 minute mile on the treadmill which may have been one of the dumbest things I've done but I was mad and wanted to "push myself". I missed being outside, missed my sacred trail, b/c you really can't do during chemo or stay in the heat. We all know winter hasn't exactly hit yet. So, I hit Starbuck's where they know me and are great. This time I strolled in sweaty, ball cap, no hair, pick stitched in my arm and wondering who I would know walking in. To be honest, I was a bit nervous but the just said, "Whatever, stand tall". Got my coffee and the guy behind the counter asked how I was doing and I said, "Great, man. No worries"

Flash forward to today. Feel good. Feel strong but really tired. The doctor told we can fix everything but fatigue. Your body is fighting the cancer and you still have chemo in your system which is poison, literally. Alot is going on so relax. Relax? So, today I'm learning a really big lessson in humility. They just keep on coming:) I can get moody, restless or upset OR maybe spend the afternoon talking to God, reading everything positive and plan my comeback b/c believe me it's coming. Maybe God is saying, "Relax and be still. I know where you are. I know how you feel. Do you trust me?"

Facing a challeng is the easy part. Letting go and letting God take over in the middle of that challenge is hard, at least for me. But I'm learning that's where faith is strengthened and peace starts to show up. Maybe all we really need is faith and peace. The rest comes along by itself without our help.

If Cancer Were Just Physical

I have a friend of mine who lost her father to cancer last night. She posted her loss on FB with the words, "Rest in peace, sweet daddy. I love you more than you know". I read that and cried. I don't know the details. I just know all the family got together for what could be the last time. I've been letting her know that she is in my prayers but her words stayed with me last night. We all or I focus on tests, ct's, chemo, etc.., but for my friend, it's the day after. It really happened and it wasn't a nightmare. Ironically, it was life.

The only thing I know for sure is the power of faith. I am so sad. A bit scared b/c cancer won this time but my faith tells me to believe that with all the tears, sadness, fear and anger we are still in God's hands. My faith tells me life is just a make up of different seasons. It seems a hard season has been around a long time like a long and brutal winter. But I believe the fog will lift and God will lead those out of a hard season to a new season of relief, laughter and gratitude. We will be reborn, recharged and stronger for the next "winter" where we will laugh instead cry. Stand tall instead of falling victim to fear and helping someone who is where "we" were in a hard season. Then we can be a testament of faith.

But today is today and I'm thinking about my friend. I pray, I think and I just believe.

Before the morning.

It's 5:38 am and I was really trying to get that last hour or two of sleep. The way look at it, I've earnred it. But now comes the part we ALL must face. What kind of day do we want? The choice is made with our head still on the pillow. Yes, I'm in the middle of a dog fight with cancer and thank God, I'm winning. But that's not the hard part, at least for me. The hard part or challenging part is to find true joy, peace and contentement in every situation. I get scare and sometimes I wake up at night thinking the worst. Then I'm reminded that they are some things in my control. Those are my thoughts! I choose to lay in bed, listen to my wave machine that relaxes me and do some reading (all positive) till I wak up or dose off for a bit.

It's amazing the power you can harness by combining positive thinking, expecation and faith. I sense myself moving from being weighted down by the effects cancer has had on me, my family, loved ones to a blessed release that God will guide me down the right path. I don't have to force anything nor do I have to manipulate things to "work out". Our job is to wake up and say, "God, I'm showing up. What is it you want me to do". Then find the joy in doing that. It's all in how we look at our morning and day. I want to be excited again about living and believe me I am!

I once read where we can curse a rose bush for it's thorns or never see the thorns because of the beauty of the blooms. Our choice. Just like today.

Great Devotional For The Day!

This was passed along from a dear friend. It applies to all of us. Enjoy!

Today's Truth. 
Romans 5:3-5 (NLT) "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure. Endurance then develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation."



Let's Pray 
Father, I am so tired of trying to weather the storms of life on my own. I need Your power and strength to face each one. Please teach me to turn to you first. Help me learn to patiently endure the hard times and honor You in the midst of them as I walk by faith.

In Jesus' name, 
Amen.